There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
