Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
