So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How's work?
Spinning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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