I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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