I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
