I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
