3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
