Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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