I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
