was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
