So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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