I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
