2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
