You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
sarcasm needs its own font
i dont even know how to be here
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
