I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
