Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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