My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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