your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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