it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
