CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
