i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
