I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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