You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
