i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
