so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
