Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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