there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
