I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
