Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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