My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
