Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
