brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
