the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
