things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He better not be in your backpack
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
