since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
