Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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