her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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