Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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