I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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