I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
