first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
