he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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