Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
