I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
