I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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