hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
