**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
