One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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