I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
