we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
