hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
