The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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