Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
