I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
