Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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