Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize