just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
