I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
