omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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