I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
