I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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